Our Angel is "2"

I am a little late getting this post up. We don't have the internet right now and so it is so hard to blog, but this post is very important to me so I had to find a way to blog.  Here is what I wrote in my journal on the day of our Angel Sharyn's Birthday.

   "Here We are, the day I have been dreading for a few weeks now. The day that 2 years ago changed my life forever. November 14th 2008 Our baby girl Sharyn was born into heaven this day and it brook and changed our hearts forever!
   Ever since November was turned to, on my calender I have been so sad. (Well truthfully ever since Ambree's birthday) I find all the memory's leading up to that fateful day so vivid in my mind. First it was Halloween And I was so happy to be pregnant and then it was putting up all the thanksgiving decorations, and how fun that was, everything reminds me of her and how desperate I felt after she was gone. I find myself crying at the slightest things and can't seem to pull it together.
   Its funny how life works and how just a few days ago I was talking to another mother of an angel baby, she lost her baby boy just a week or so before I lost Sharyn and she said this year (her baby's 2nd birthday too) was very hard for her as well, much harder than her baby's first birthday. She said that she just did not have the support this year and that no one seemed to really understand her pain. I found that so sad for her and I also know what she was feeling. It's been strange this year with so many new emotions that have come up that I was not expecting.  I guess I didn't expect new emotions after 2 years. But I don't know why not. I am sure there will continue to be new emotions I have not felt yet, year after year.
   I also think that maybe its been so hard this year because I was kind of caught off guard.  I have been so happy for a while now with our baby girl Ambree. Not that I feel in any way that she has replaced Sharyn, but she has taken my mind off all that I am missing with Sharyn. But then it hit me this month "ALL THAT I AM MISSING!" That was it! That is what I have been so sad about, I am missing so much. I see all the fun things Ambree is doing and I wont see those things with Sharyn. It is so hard!
  I really have been dreading Sharyns birthday so I decided I needed to do something to replace the pain and heart ache with good memory's for me and my family. So I decided that we needed so new traditions for the month of November that was in honer of our Sharyn. First if felt that we needed to some sort of service to give back and to strengthen our family. I decided that this year we needed to donate blessing dresses the hospital for other mothers that have lost a baby girl. I was so grateful that someone had donated Sharyns blessing dress other wise I would not have had her in a White dress that day. I really wanted that for her and it almost did not happen. The nurses asked me if I wanted to pick out an outfit for Sharyn and since we had not expected her passing I had not bought her her blessing dress yet. I asked if they had a white dress for our angel and they went looking. One of the nurses came back after awhile and said that they had looked everywhere and could not find one. I was so sad, but just shortly after that she came back with this tiny white blessing dress that was beautiful. She thought it might not fit Sharyn because it was so small but when they brought her into us for the first time, she was waring this perfect dress. The nurses were amazed that it fit her so well. They said it was like it was made just for Sharyn.
I decided that the hospital needed more blessing dresses for other mothers that also wanted there angels girls dressed in white. So my mom and I went shopping for our dresses. We found 2 beautiful dresses that would be perfect. I also wanted to make a matching handkerchief that I could give the grieving mother. When I lost Sharyn a wonderful women in our ward came over and gave me an old antique looking handkerchief that was very special to her. She also had lost twins and had many miscarriages and was given this handkerchief as a gift to dry her tears. She said that it was a grieving handkerchief and that when I was ready and did not feel I needed it anymore that I could pass it on. I thought that was such a thoughtful gift from one grieving mother to another. So I decided that I had to give one too.

We also attached a poem to the dress...

Precious Child Remembered

We know that you are hurting
We know just how you feel.
The pain deep inside your heart
You feel it can't be real.

We know what's going through your mind,
Thoughts that cloud it through the day.
We're on the road you're traveling now.
It can be handled, there's a way.

Don't fight the tears you're feeling,
You must just let them flow.
Speak of your child daily
To many people that you know.

Find others who can understand
They'll hold you as you cry.
The questions, we have all asked,
All the how's and every why.

We will always think of our child,
No one will have to say a word.
They will remain in our hearts
Our precious child remembered.
(Unknown)

  And then I added my story. It was so heeling to do this for another mother going through what I went through 2 short years ago and I hope that I lessen the sorrow in some mothers heart.

They loved the dresses and thanked us for the gift!

After we took flowers and balloons to Sharyns grave. We wrote messages on the balloons telling Sharyn how much we loved her.

Ryanne wanted to add kisses to all the balloons. She is so cute!

My sister Sharon came to the grave also

My mom and dad were also there. It meant so much to me that they came to celebrate out little girl. 

We sang Happy Birthday, that made me teary-eyed!

We decorated the table in purple, light green and pink, and the same balloons and flowers we put on her grieve.
I loved it!

Here cake had a fairy and lady bugs on it, Because she is our lady bug.

It ended up to be a wonderful day and I hope that as we continue to do good things in honer of our baby Sharyn that November will become a happy month and something I look forward too.
I love you and miss you so much Sharyn! I am grateful for you and all the lessons I have learned these past 2 years. I have learned how precious our family is and how special each one of you are. I have learned to be present in every moment, not to take for granted anything. And to really on the Lord for comfort. I know I will get to see you again and I will see you grow and experience all that you can be. I love you so much!
Happy Birthday Sharyn! (our guardian angel)

Our Ambree is "1"

I can't believe it Ambree is 1 years old now!

I was looking back at all the fun things we did this past year and how life was even more special that Ambree was apart of our family. She has grown so much, she was so small and helpless and now she is 18lbs and into everything! I love it!

                  (Ambree is only 3 weeks old in these photos)

I love her so much and she brings such joy to our family.

I decided to go BIG for her first birthday. I never got the chance with the other kids so this was my chance to do it the way I wanted. I wanted a Halloween theme (from now on I wont get a say on how her party will be, she'll want princes or something girly, not Halloween)  I also wanted it to still be cute. I decided to go Skullanimals. I think they are so cute and perfect for a Halloween one year old party.

The sign reads "Ambree's 1 be very afraid"

I also decorated everything in hot pink, Orange and black. I think it turned out very cute!

 

we had soap and pumpkin bread bowls, Yum!

 We invited about 40 friends and family over for soup and cake.

We had lots and lots of fun and I  got some really cute pictures too!

We also took some balloons over to Sharyns grave to include all of our family in the party. (I love you and miss you so much Sharyn)


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And we had to take some to my Grandpa Bills Grave too because he loved the holidays




I am so happy with the way the day turned out and I loved every minuet of it.(it was a lot of work too so I am glad its over as well ;)

I think she had fun too!

I love you so much Ambree and can't wait to see what you do next. You are such a blessing to our family!

Our Crazy Summer!

It has been foreverrr.. since I have posted. Every time I run into someone I here how they wish I would write something new on my blog. So here we go, but I am warning you it is a very long post (because as you already know it has been forever since I have posted) so make sure the kiddies are doing something to keep themselves busy and out of trouble, because you will be here for awhile!

Well were to start. I have to say this is by far one of the most memorable summers I have ever had. I will never forget it.  It was a wonderful summer and a very tragic summer all rolled up in one. Let me explain. 

First off, we started this summer with a bang. We took our family on one of my most favorite vacations that I have ever been on with them. This May, Dan and I decided to take the kids on a cruise. (And I am telling you if you want to go on a WONDERFUL family vacation take your family on a cruise.) It was Amazing! But we also decided that a cruise was just not enough! We also went to Disneyland before we set sail. That of course was icing on the cake. Noah and Ryanne still talk about how this trip was the best trip we have ever been on. We Had lots of fun in Disneyland and even wore matching shirts (I forgot to take a picture of all of us together. Bummer!)

and that made Disneyland all the more fun. Then we set sail to the Mexican Rivera, on one of Royal Caribbean biggest ships the 'Mariner of the sea'. (And I mean it was huge!)

They had Ice skating (that was one of Dan and the kids favorite activities on the boat),

swimming, scrapbooking (That was lots of fun!)

and even a club house area that our kids got to meet other kids and do fun activities. Every time we would go pick them up from the club house, to spend some family time together they would be upset, because we were interrupting some fun activity. Noah loved it and would ask "Can I go to school now?" (that is what he called it)
The shore excursions were even more fun. We swam with dolphins in Puerto Vallarta,

 and went on a pirate ship and went snorkeling in Cabo San Lucas. (that was my favorite excretion)

 and in Mazatlan went to a privet beach were they had lots of activities like boogie boarding and horse back riding. It was lots of fun.

The trip was a trip of a lifetime and something my family will never forget. 

After we got home we had birthday after birthday to celebrate. First was Ryanne's birthday on July 1st.  She is now a big 11 years old and I can't believe it! we had a swimming party (like we always seem to do, because my mom and dad have a great pool to use, and it,s FREE!!!)

She had a great birthday! I just love her so much! She is such a great helper and loves life. She is Beautiful! 

Next was Noah's Birthday on the 24th of July he is now 9 years old.  I can't believe how handsome he is getting.  He wanted to go to the parade. (We have never been to the Pioneer day parade because we always do what Noah wants for his birthday)  So this year we went and well it was just ok. It was hot and we were right in the sun. (We ended up leaving early but that was ok with Noah, I think he was a little board)

then we had another swimming party. It was nice. We also had a firework show and of course Noah loved that. It was lots of fun. He is getting so big and is such a sweet boy. He is so loving and kind and such a great big brother! 

And then it was Austin's turn to have his birthday on Aug 12th. He is now 6 years old and such a fun guy. He loves his baby sister and will talk your ear off if you will just sit and listen. He loves life and is such a great boy! This time instead of  a swimming party we went camping.

That was fun because we went with some good friends of ours, The Hatch family and that was lots of fun.  We camped at Plymouth Hot springs and I had never been there. It was fun to go somewhere new and spend time with family and friends. We also took a day trip up to Bear Lake and played on the water. That was my favorite part of the trip.

 I love Bear Lake and I love my Austin!

Also Dan and I just celebrated our 12th Anniversary.

I love that guy and wonder how life would be with out him. He is such a great dad and loves our kids so much. If you run into him at work or at church he will whip out his pocket full of pictures and brag about how cute his kids are. It is so cute! I love it.  He also treats me like a princes and takes such good care of me. He is always thinking about me and how he makes me fill. My dad hates that sometimes, because he makes him look bad. Dan is always bringing me flowers and gifts and my Mom complains that Dad needs to fallow Dan's example. He is such a hard worker and loves his job. He loves taking care of his little family. I just had to let Dan know that I love him so much and am so glad that I said "Yes!" 12 years ago. Love you forever Dan.

Now we get to the not so great part of my summer and the other part that I will never forget. We lost my Grandpa Bill to complications of Alzheimer's this summer.
It was kind of unexpected but not at the same time. He had been going down hill for awhile but we thought he would be here at least until Christmas. but that is not what was in Gods plan. He woke up one morning and spent his morning having breakfast with his sweetheart, Grandma Bernice and then started not filling so good and by the afternoon he had past away, holding her hand. I had the privilege of being their by his side when he passed and I am so grateful that I was blessed to spend his last moments with him. He was a Wonderful man and was loved by many. He was the life of the party and loved Christmas very much. He got my family addicted to vacationing and even had a saying to go with it. He would always say "You can't take 'things' with you when you die. All you can take with you is your memories, so make the best of them and spend it with your family!" And he lived by that modo.  He traveled all over the world, he said that he had visited every country exapt for Red China and Russia. He loved my Grandma Bernice very very much and took good care of her. My Grandma counted in one day how many times he said he loved her, and it was over 100 times. And he made sure that you were being treated right by your spouse. He would always ask Dan how he was treating me and making sure he was a good husband and dad. He also love Heavenly Father very much and served as a bishop for many years. They use to call him the hugging Bishop because you could not get by him with out a hug. One thing I will miss is on our weekly visits he would say the most beautiful heart felt prayers, even with his Alzheimer's you would never know that he had a memory problem because they were perfect.  I could go on and on about all the wonderful things that my Grandpa did. 

I am so grateful that I was able to spend so much time with him these past few years and I can't wait to be reunited with him again. I know that he is watching over us with our Sharyn. And it is now Sharyns turn to have grandpa Bill kisses and hugs, and to be able to spend time with him, and that makes me so happy. I love you Grandpa Bill and I will miss you very much!

We also had another tragedy just over a week ago. I just came back from one of the most devastating events in my family. My cousin Amy's husband Kyle was killed just over a week ago, and we got back a few days ago from his funeral.

Amy and Kyle are so young and have 2 beautiful children. Maggy, 2 yr. old and Joshua 2 months old.

 Kyle was stabbed to death by a man that was upset he was loosing a pool game. They still have not caught the guy who did this. Amy is only 21 yrs. old and is now a widow with two small children.  The night we got the call from my aunt Kathy I thought that my Grandma Thora (who is living with them) had past away. But we were shocked to here that it was Kyle instead. It is so deviating to have news like this when he was so young and so full of life. The funeral was beautiful and they did some wonderful things. Amy and Kyle lived on a large pice of property in Colorado so it was fitting to have him buried there. His dad, brothers and friends dug his grave and set the vault and we were there to help berry him. I don't know what it is but it was wonderful to do this last act of kindness for your loved one. I wish we could have done this for Sharyn, to dig her resting place and physically place her there. It was kind of hilling in some sort of way. You could see pride in Kyle's fathers eyes when they were done. To work so hard for your loved one. I am so upset and can't help crying for Amy. I can't emagen what it would be like for her, to not have your husband and have such small children. I also fill so bad for her kids. They wont really know there dad. I am sure Amy will talk about Kyle all the time so they can remember there father, but it wont fill the hole in there hearts. I am so sorry Amy for your loss and I want you to know that you are in our prayers.

I know Heavenly Father loves you and your family and he is watching over you. And I know Kyle is being taken care. My heart aches of you, and I know there is nothing I can say to make this time easier, but all I can say is I love you, and You are in our prayers. 

So as I have said before this summer has been the most wonderful summer and the most tragic I have ever had. I will never forget the summer of 2010 and I don't want to forget it. It makes me appreciate my family even more and make each moment I spend with them even more precious.

 I love my family and am so grateful for them. They are such a blessing.